Ep 9. What Self-Harm Is Really Trying To Say: Coping, Brain Science & Finding Safer Ways Through

Liz Buggy: Welcome to Spicy Brain, Phoenix Heart, a space for big hearted humans with beautifully complex minds. I'm Liz Buggy, your Neuro Spicy guide through the messy, the complexities and meaningful moments of being human. If you've ever been feeling overwhelmed, burnt out or a little lost in the noise, you're not alone and you've landed in the right place. Here we don't rush or fix, we feel, we learn and we rise. So take a breath and let's begin. Today's episode may trigger some listeners. So please listen to this episode if you feel called to and with discretion. Today's episode is what self harm is really trying to say, coping brain science and finding safer ways through. I'm really glad you're back. Last time we talked about the quieter side of suicidal thoughts, especially in neurodivergent individuals. Today, we're staying close to that conversation, but we're going a layer deeper. We're talking about self-harm, what it actually is, why it happens, what's going on in the brain. and what might help instead. What is self harm actually? Now let's start here. Self harm, sometimes referred to as non-suicidal self injury, is when someone intentionally hurts their body. Not necessarily because they want to It is often done for relief. It can look like cutting, scratching or picking skin, burning themselves, hitting or banging their body pulling their hair. And sometimes it's less obvious. ⁓ behaviours ⁓ cause harm but also bring relief at the same time. According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, about eight 8.8 % of Australians have self-harmed at some point in their lives. That's nearly one in 11 people. So if this is part of your story, just know that you're not alone and that there are alternatives when it comes to self-harm. Why people self-harm, the honest answer. There's often a misconception that self-harm is about attention. The data and lived experience say something very different. In a large UK mental health survey, over 80 % of people self-harmed. said that they did it to relieve intense emotional distress, things like anxiety, anger, or overwhelming sadness and grief. Let's just say this clearly, self harm is often a coping strategy. Not necessarily a healthy one, not a safe but a strategy nonetheless. ⁓ It can often release pressure, interrupt emotional overwhelm, turn invisible pain into something visible. It can even help someone feel something when they're numb. for many people, especially those who are neurodivergent. Emotions don't come in manageable waves. They come flooding in. It can be overwhelming. And this is where there's no switch. So their bodies look for one. The neuroscience, what's happening in the brain. This ⁓ actually matters more than we think because it removes some of the shame. When someone self harms the brain, can actually release endorphins, natural chemicals that reduce pain and create a sense of relief. So in a very real, biological way, it can work in the moment. That's part of what makes it hard to stop. There's also something else happening here, the emotional part. The emotional part of the brain, the limbic system becomes highly activated. The thinking, regulating part, the prefrontal cortex struggles to keep up. It's not failure of willpower. It's a nervous system under strain. It's trying to regulate itself with the tools it has. Research suggests that self-harm is strongly linked to emotional dysregulation, difficulty managing intense feelings. And it's more common in neurodivergent individuals and populations that already deal with emotional dysregulation. With autism specifically, studies suggest self-injury behaviours may affect around 42 % of individuals. Now that's not a small subgroup, it's a sign. Why does it become? pattern. Here's the difficult part. If something reduces emotional pain, even briefly, the brain remembers and it starts to build a pattern. Distress, self-harm, relief. Over time, that loop can become automatic. Not because someone wants it to, but because their brain is trying to protect them. in the fastest way that it knows. Often there's other layers, for example, shame. This creates another loop. Distress, self harm, relief, shame, more distress. Suddenly, it's not just one problem, it's a cycle. Coping alternatives that actually respect the need behind it. So if self harm is trying to do something, the question isn't just, how do we stop it? It should be, what is it trying to replace? The goal isn't to take something away. It's to offer an alternative, something that's safer, that meets the same need. They're not quick fixes, but options that you can experiment with. For emotional release, holding ice or snapping a rubber band often creates sensation without injury. Intense physical movement, running, hitting a pillow, going to the gym, pushing against a wall. For overwhelm, deep pressure. For example, weighted blankets, tight hugs, pressing hands together. Sitting in a dark, quiet space to reduce sensory input. And for expression, writing unfiltered thoughts, not the pretty ones, not the structured, but real thoughts. Drawing or marking on the skin with a pen instead of breaking it. for numbness, cold water on the face, strong sensory inputs like sour candy, strong sense or textured objects. None of these suggestions are perfect and they won't always work immediately. But they can begin to teach the brain there are other ways to survive this moment. Support that can actually help. If this is something you're dealing with, you don't have to figure it out alone. Support doesn't have to be dramatic interventions. Sometimes it can look like one person who knows, a therapist who understands regulation, spaces ⁓ where you don't have to mask and if you're supporting someone else, you don't need to panic. You don't need perfect words. What helps most is staying calm, listening without judgment. Not immediately going for the I need to fix ⁓ I need to take control because self harm often from feeling out of control. So the response shouldn't take more control away. It should create safety. If you take one thing away from this episode, let it be this. Self harm isn't attention seeking, it's relief seeking. It's a nervous system trying imperfectly to cope with something overwhelming. And if that's something that you've been experiencing, you're not weak for it. You also deserve safer ways to get through it, to get through those moments. And we'll keep talking about this because it deserves more than silence. So take care of yourself today, especially the parts of you that have been trying to cope the only way that they know how. You're allowed to learn new ways. Go at your own pace. Take care of yourself today in whatever way feels possible. Thanks for being here, big hearted human. If something resonated today, let it settle. No pressure, no perfection. You're allowed to move gently, to take your time, to find your way back to yourself in your own rhythm. You're not too much. You're not behind. You're becoming. So until next time, feel everything and rise anyway.