Ep 7. When It Doesn't Look Like A Crisis: Neurodivergence, Quiet Suicidal Thoughts and Self-Harm

Liz Buggy: Welcome to Spicy Brain Phoenix Heart, a space for big-hearted humans with beautifully complex minds. I'm Liz Buggy, your Neuro Spicy Guide through the the complexities and meaningful moments of being human. If you've been feeling overwhelmed, burnt out or a little lost in the noise, you're not alone and you've landed in the right place. Here we don't rush or fix, we feel, we learn and we rise. So take a breath and let's begin. Today's episode may trigger some listeners. So please listen to this episode only if you feel called to and with discretion. Today's episode is when it doesn't look like crisis, neurodivergence, quiet suicidal thoughts and self-harm. I'm really glad that you're here. Today's conversation isn't loud or dramatic, but it is important. We're talking about something that often gets missed. How suicidal thoughts and self harm show up differently in neurodivergent individuals. This isn't a lecture, it's a real conversation. The kind we don't often have enough of. We're taught. to recognise suicidal ideation in a very specific way. A visible crisis, a breaking point, something that is urgent and unmistakable. But that's not always how it works. for many neurodivergent individuals, especially those with ADHD, autism, OCD, and other cognitive differences. It often shows up much quieter. It's less about, I want to die and more, I just want this to stop. It's less explosive, more constant. And because it doesn't match the stereotype, it often goes unnoticed, even by the person experiencing it. Let's ground into this subject. Research published in journals like the Lancet Psychiatry and data referenced by the World Health Organisation shows that autistic individuals are three to seven times more likely to experience suicidal thoughts or behaviours than the general population. Some studies even suggest that over 60 % of autistic adults have reported experiencing suicidal ideation at some point in their life. People with ADHD also face significantly higher rates. This is often linked to impulsivity, emotional intensity, and co-occurring anxiety or depression. when it comes to self harm. According to global health estimates and studies cited by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, non-suicidal self-injury affects around 17 to 20 percent of adolescents with higher rates reported in neurodivergent populations. Self-harm doesn't always mean someone wants to die. Often it's a way to cope, to regulate, to release. These numbers aren't abstract. They're people who are functioning, showing up and struggling in ways that aren't always visible. This is where it gets more personal. Suicidal ideation in neurodivergence often doesn't feel like a single moment. It feels like a loop. with thoughts like I'm exhausted from being me. Why is everything so hard? I don't fit in anywhere. I wish I could just disappear even for a moment. They don't necessarily have a plan and there's not always urgency. It's the kind of mental background noise that never fully switches off and then there's self harm. This might look like skin picking or scratching, hitting oneself, cutting or burning, repetitive behaviors that cause harm, but also relief. It's not done for attention nor for drama, but as a way to manage something overwhelming that's internal. Sometimes it's caused by sensory overload, too much noise, too much light, too much input. Sometimes it's emotional overload, feelings that don't have an off switch. Sometimes it's from burnout, caused from masking too long, trying to act normal and their system just crashes. And... Sometimes it's just a quiet accumulation of all of it. The problem and why it gets missed is we're trained to look for crisis in extremes. But neurodivergent distress doesn't always look extreme. Someone might still go to work, reply to messages, laugh at jokes, and still be carrying the thought of how long can I keep doing this? And when that gets overlooked or misunderstood, it can deepen the isolation. And because the isolation deepens, it's not just the feeling now, it's a feeling of being unseen in the feeling. What if there's a different way to understand it? What if we changed the question instead of what's wrong with you? We asked, what has your system been holding on to for so long? What if suicidal thoughts weren't treated as personal failure, but as signals? Not harmless, not to ignore, but something to listen to, to listen to with care and not panic. Many neurodivergent people are living in a near constant state of overwhelm. sensory, social and emotional. And when the system gets overloaded, the brain starts to look for exits. That doesn't mean someone is broken. It means they've been carrying more than they were meant to. And so they weren't supposed to carry it alone. This doesn't just affect one person. For the individual themselves, there's often guilt, shame. They feel like a burden, too much or not enough. And sometimes even at the same time. And for loved ones, there's confusion, fear, not knowing what to say or how to support. And for both, it results in silence because it's too hard to explain something that doesn't always make clear sense. even from the inside. There's far more to this conversation, especially when it comes to self harm. what it actually does to the brain, why it can feel relieving in the moment, and how people can find alternatives that don't harm themselves. And that deserves its own space. So we'll come back to that in a future episode. If any part of this felt familiar, you're not strange for experiencing it in this way. And you're not the only one carrying it, even if it feels like you are. And if you're supporting someone, with neurodivergence. You don't need the perfect words. You don't need to fix it. Just be willing to sit with them without rushing, without dismissing. That matters more than you think. We'll keep having these conversations. Honestly, gently, without shame. Take care of yourself today in whatever way feels possible. Thank you for being here, big hearted human. If something in today's episode resonated, let it settle. No pressure, no perfection. You're allowed to move gently. to take your time to find your way back to yourself in your own rhythm. You're not too much. You're not behind. You're becoming. So until next time, feel everything and rise anyway.